hello again..

well hello there, it's been nearly 3 years since the last time i wrote my story..

so how are you? well there's hardly any changes in my life except my marriage, i have kids and my job, huh hahaha,, well sorry supposed to be there are major changes in my life.

well then these 3 years are a pretty big, i mean big, movement for me. despite that i almost fell on my life which i told you before, my stories in the other hand just turned up fascinating. i am married to a wonderful person and yet i have one of the most healthiest, smart and cute little champion in the world,, ahahahah...

i hope my stories will be more entertaining in the future,,

okay then see yaa whenever i see yaa,,, i'll try to write often..

ankh of a contradiction mind

apparently this writing will be my first official post beside the announcement which i wrote few days ago. i am trying to write in english though you could put my grammar next to the trash bin or flush it in your toilet. this writing that i will write about would be very sensitive in some cases, so maybe i will not deeply write what i really meant to write. well here we go..

i find today, earlier this evening, somehow seems to be a little gloomy (i cant find a more appropriate word) for me. despite that i am one species which carries this "moody" virus, i find many contradiction within me which really, i mean seriously, bothers me a lot, especially inthese few months backwards. it seems to be simple, it has to be simple, but it didn't work that way. i finally realize it's hard to live my life with this burden hanging around the corner, it's hard t forget the place which i had left off before.

sometimes i feel lucky to be in the place where i belong now but it's often that i really missed my old life, my past times, my memories. sometimes i asked myself "how could you come to your decisions now? what part plays the most important role on your life metamorphosis?", but then of course there will be mo simple answer to such (simple) questions. many questions with no answers pop up simultaneously in my mind, in my life.. therefore i try to search every answer for every question.. and knowing that i never find answers for my questions i just keep making excuses to check on my six. it's like 24/7 that i really try to escape my reality.

wise says that "time" will reveal the answers for all my life questions. well it didn't work out perfectly for me, in fact what i feel now is "time" squeezes me up since i try to run and hide, it always catch me whenever i try so hard to escape.

truly, i am going deeper and deeper, sucked by my own story (which i create) while i doesn't have the strength to fight my way back.. i have past my "point of no return".. shit happens.. life just never been the same as we expected.. luck seems abandoning its part.. it was never too late until you realize things are different and its already too late.. writing this it will do any good either..

i'm glad that i, at least, able to write just now.. still i don't really think this is what i really meant to write, i have a lot life dissapointment but i don't know where the hell i should start from..
i think i'll continue this writings when i'm really in need to express my desperation...

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i write what i want to write.. in any feelings i want it..